Turning 35 and beginning a new chapter
A few weeks ago I turned 35. And never before has a number, my age, hit so hard. Felt like it mattered. Did my age strike me in a positive or negative way? I am not sure yet. But I do know that it feels like this is a pivotal point in my life. Where I am quite content with where I have gotten in some regards, and where other parts need change. Where a chapter comes to an end and a new one must begin.
The world, and my life, has quickly hurled around in a direction and I have been swept along. This has led to a sudden sense of not being in control, and that I need to reclaim some parts of my everyday situation, and who I am.
We have recently started re-watching Outlander, a favorite story of mine. I’ve read the books and seen most of the show already. But Dan hasn’t. As we are watching, I feel I envy Claire’s life as she goes back (sorry to those who have not seen it and do not know of what I speak). Sure, life is by no means easy for her. But there is no technology, no internet, and everyday she works all day with establishing their life, a home, or helping people. She is doing things that have immediate impact, and her everyday seems full of meaning. I cannot say the same about my own.
I used to live on the countryside, in a small house I was renting. I did not have much, but I did not need it. Outside was a field often covered in fog, a deep forest to explore, a lake with the most magical sunsets and a sky the northern lights would dance across. I did not need to work a lot, and I would often find myself running out with my camera to capture and enjoy one of natures many wonders. Sometimes I would sit on a fallen tree, in the middle of a bright summers night when I couldn’t sleep, and listen to the silence and the animals. Now we own a house, close to town, and it’s convenient, easy to get to friends or work, and I am happy. But, I am also a part of the bubble of consumerism, the treadmill of life, and I miss how I once lived. But that life is not an option right now, so I need to find a way to get some of that back into my way of life, strike a balance between my past and my present, to create a future I want to live in.
To some extent I need internet and social media for my work. But in a time where there is so much hatred, misinformation, fake content and bullying online, I really want to move away from it as much as possible. Other than when absolutely necessary for work, I want to putter about in the garden, forage, make bread, spend time with friends or craft more with my hands (be it painting with watercolor, silversmithing or pottery). I will still always have a camera with me of course, and capture the world around me, I simply cannot stop.
Maybe if I focus more on sharing that content here, I can hold myself accountable? I find it hard to make these changes lately. But in this space, my photos, combined with text, where it feels more real, substantial, made by a human and to last – that would feel good. That it’s not jsut a quick post on Instagram to get engagement and likes before it’s forgotten in a few hours or days, and where people scroll to fast unable to know what is even real.
People don’t really read blogs anymore, I think, but I hope I can still create a space here that people want to visit, and hopefully even partake by sharing their own thoughts in the comments. It’s not a quick glance, double-tap and move on, one will have to slow down, read more and perhaps take some time to engage in a conversation. That is not what most of us have the patience for anymore, but maybe it would be good for us all? I don’t know.
I am sitting on the couch, sipping on a glass of red by the fire and these are just some thoughts that have been mulling about in my head lately. But if I want to re-awaken this space, I just need to start. So here I am, 35 years old and ready to make changes, take control of my life again. How are you doing?
